We are celebrating 31 years of marriage this month. We got married young, I was 17 and my husband was 20. We had already been together for almost 2 years. There were many that thought we wouldn’t make it because we were so young. We knew we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.
We get asked how do you make it work? This is what has worked for us.
MARRIAGE IS 100/100
You hear so many say 50/50. That’s not it. You ALWAYS have to give it 100%.
DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION
We have never used the “D” word, EVER!! I realize that in the heat of the moment, you may want to throw it out there, but don’t give the devil a footstool. Don’t ever make it an option.
MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER
I know sometimes it’s hard with kids but there are ways to do it. You may have to stay up late or hire a babysitter for a day. So many, after their kids are grown, get divorced because their kids were their marriage and they don’t really know each other. Don’t just be roommates, be soulmates.
YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT
There will always be arguments and disagreements in marriage. Some fights aren’t worth winning or even fighting over. When disagreements do come, stay calm, don’t yell, express yourself and if you have to, walk into another room for a while until you calm down. You may realize it wasn’t anything important after all. A lot of little things can be ignored and really not even an issue after all. Let go of the small stuff. Forgive quickly and don’t keep bringing up things from the past.
You are different people and won’t always see eye to eye on everything. You have to compromise and communicate. Tell each other your feelings because you can’t read each other’s mind. Try having them repeat what you have said so that you know how they heard it and if different than what you meant, resolve it. Be sensitive to each other. Listen to each other. Seek to understand each other’s intentions and try to compromise on the issue at hand. Sometimes marriage is giving over your way to what your spouse wants. Selfless not selfish!
DONT TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED
Always recognize what your spouse does and don’t take it for granted. Thank them for all they do. Let them know that you appreciate what they do for you and your family.
NEVER TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE TO OTHERS
This is so important. Never talk bad about your spouse or put them down. No one likes to be put down especially in public, to friends, family or anyone. That is so wrong and can be so damaging to a relationship. If you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all.
LEARN EACH OTHER’S LOVE LANGUAGE
There is a book by Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages
Everyone needs to read this. It helps so much in any relationship. This is how they feel loved and more than likely how they give love. I encourage you to read the book if you haven’t. Here are the love languages but you really should read the book. There is also a quiz online you can take. You can have more than one but normally one is more dominant.
1. Words of Affirmation
This language uses words to affirm other people
2. Acts of service
For these people, actions speak louder than words.
For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive and give a gift.
4. Quality Time
This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
5. Physical Touch
To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
Rarely will you and your spouse have the same love language but you need to learn each other’s because that is how you fill their love tank.
It’s rare, but it just so happens that my husband and I have the same dominate love language. Quality time! We both have others as well, but that’s our strongest. We love our quality time together, alone. Some may not understand why we like our “alone” time but it’s so important to us. Kind of weird but both of our least love language is gifts. We had rather our “gift” to each other be alone time.
REMEMBER WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE
What attracted you to that person. Think about those qualities. Date each other. Dress up for each other, don’t let yourself go.
MAKE YOUR SPOUSE A PRIORITY
PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE
LOVE IS NOT ALWAYS A FEELING
A successful marriage is falling in love many times with the same person.
A man wants to know he is respected and a woman wants to know that she’s loved.
Be those parents who gross your kids out. Show affection for one another in front of your children. Let them know that you love each other.
I want others to see our marriage and KNOW that we love each other!
31 years ago we said, “I do,” and 31 years ago, I THOUGHT I LOVE YOU THEN. As you grow and mature, your marriage grows and matures, and your love grows and matures. I loved him so much when we got married but now it’s so much deeper. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there.
So 31 years, 2 sons, 2 daughters-in-law and 6 grandchildren later here we are...Living Our Love Song
I pray that we have many many more blessed years of marriage.
No marriage is perfect, no love story is perfect, but I sure do love ours.
Enjoying the Simple Life,
Disclaimer: I am not a marriage counselor this is my advice only. May contain affiliate links.